Mailbag

When I first started writing Bear Talk I was very surprised by the amount of questions and comments that I would receive. I would often joke with friends that I would know when the new issue of Talk hit the stands because I would suddenly be receiving complaints about something I had wrote. Heck, you can’t please everyone.

On a few occasions in the past I openly answered in this column, but alas there was no way to answer them all in print. Thus I started answering them all privately. Well after about a year of doing so, I have noticed that a lot of the same questions find their way to my inbox. So I have decided that I will begin again occasionally answering your emails for all to see.
Q: Where do I get a copy of Talk Magazine? Can I read your past columns online?

A:Talk Magazine can be found literally all over town, and throughout the country. The best bet to find a copy of Talk is of course at places that advertise in Talk, at the bars, and of course you can read it online at TalkPublications.com. As for past Bear Talk columns, the current ones are always at our website, and as of 2009 I have begun archiving them at beartalkps.blogspot.com.

Q: I used to pick up your column to find out what events were happening around PS. How come there don’t seem to be as many bear events anymore?

A: Well, this is a double sided answer. It is true that I used to list many of the bear events in town in a small section I devoted called “What’s Happening”. It was generally placed at the end of my column each week, but there wasn’t much room. So I decided that instead I would write full columns about the major bear events in town since most everyone either knew of the weekly bear gatherings or could easily find out that information.

The reason that my columns have not been so event driven as of late is unfortunate actually. I have always been committed to promoting local events, and always have worked with organizers of such events to get the word out. Often I would write a couple of columns prior to an upcoming event and from what I have been told by several readers and organize, by getting the word out increased attendance. However, lately getting the information sent to me about upcoming events has been like pulling teeth. Why any organizer or group wouldn’t want free publicity is beyond me. I have made it clear that if anyone needs me to help promote their event all they need to do is send me the details. So if you have an event coming up or know of one that you’d like more information on let me know and I will see what I can do.

Q: Here is the situation. My 2 friends have a very explosive relationship. One day they are on and the next they are off. As far as I am concerned it’s their business. But when they do break up they try to get everyone they know involved in their drama. When they get back together again we are all expected to act like nothing happened. What would you do?
A: Man I hate it when that happens. You hit the nail on the head though with your own question. It is THEIR drama, not yours, not their other friends, not the mailman’s. It belongs to them. Anyone that truly values your friendship will never put you in the middle of their relationship problems regardless of their situation. Furthermore, it is extremely rude for them to assume that all is well after they have declared it so. You cannot say my boyfriend is a jerk and here I why, and then the next day say he is great and you shouldn’t think bad of him.
So take a page from my book. I came up with a term I call “Yo Yo Drama”. Simply tell your friends “That’s yo’ drama and its going to keep coming up again until you fix it”.